Introduction: When the World Stops Listening

In a time of global conflict, political division, and increasing uncertainty, many people are asking themselves a quiet but painful question: Why does it feel like no one really understands me? Psychotherapists call this experience empathic failure—a moment when our inner world is unseen, unheard, or invalidated. In other words, Empathic failure is what happens when we don’t feel truly understood. The idea comes from a therapist named Heinz Kohut, who believed that feeling seen and heard by others is one of the most important parts of being human. While empathic failures are part of everyday life (a partner brushing off our feelings, a supervisor overlooking our stress), they seem especially prominent in today’s world. The mid-2020s have become marked by social polarization, mistrust in institutions, and waves of migration and displacement. These larger forces echo in our private lives, leaving many people struggling with anxiety, depression, and a deep sense of alienation. In our work, we see firsthand how the zeitgeist of empathic failure is shaping mental health. But we also know that empathy can be rebuilt—within therapy, within families, and within society itself (Riker, 2024).

What Is Empathic Failure?

The concept of empathic failure comes from the work of Heinz Kohut, a psychoanalyst who developed Self psychology. Kohut argued that empathy is not simply a warm feeling, but the essential tool by which human beings feel understood and valued. From infancy onward, our sense of self is built in the presence of others who can mirror our emotions, recognize our needs, and validate our experiences (Brown, 2021; Kohut, 1990). When this process breaks down—when others misattune, dismiss, or fail to understand us—we experience an empathic failure. This can happen in obvious ways (a parent telling a crying child to “stop being dramatic”), but also in subtle ones (a friend changing the subject when we share something vulnerable). While no one can be perfectly empathic all the time, chronic empathic failures can leave people feeling unseen, ashamed, or even defective. Over time, repeated failures shape how individuals view themselves and the world (Riker, 2024).

The Current Zeitgeist: A World of Fractured Empathy

Why does empathic failure feel so common today? Part of the answer lies in the cultural climate of the mid-2020s.
  • Global conflicts dominate headlines, often leaving people unable—or unwilling—to acknowledge the suffering of those outside their group.
  • Political polarization has deepened in many countries, creating an environment where conversations quickly collapse into debates, and people listen less to understand than to defend their position.
  • Migration and displacement continue to raise urgent questions of humanity and belonging, often exposing how easily societies fail to extend empathy to vulnerable groups.
  • Digital culture amplifies outrage and shortens attention spans. Social media algorithms reward quick reactions, not careful listening, leaving little space for nuanced empathy.
These patterns echo Kohut’s observation that empathic failures wound the Self. Just as an invalidated child feels unseen, individuals living in today’s fractured world may feel that their pain, fear, or hopes no longer matter (Gardner, 2025).

How Empathic Failure Harms Mental Health

At the individual level, empathic failure can contribute to a wide range of mental health concerns:
  • Depression and hopelessness: When people consistently feel misunderstood, they may internalize the belief that their feelings are unworthy of recognition.
  • Anxiety: In environments of unpredictability and social conflict, people often feel hypervigilant, waiting for the next invalidation or dismissal.
  • Isolation and alienation: If others cannot or will not listen, people withdraw, deepening cycles of loneliness.
At the collective level, repeated empathic failures can erode trust in institutions and communities. When entire groups feel ignored or dismissed, the result can be social unrest, disengagement, or radicalization. In this way, empathic failure is not just a personal wound—it is a cultural and political one as well (Gardner, 2025; Hamburg, 1991).

Therapy as a Space for Empathic Repair

One of the most hopeful aspects of psychotherapy is that it offers a reparative experience. A therapist trained in psychodynamic approaches, such as Self psychology, looks to attune carefully to the client’s inner world and repair this rupture. This doesn’t mean perfect understanding—it means being open, curious, and committed to recognizing the client’s emotional reality. For many clients, especially those who have endured repeated empathic failures in childhood, relationships, or society, therapy can provide the first consistent experience of being deeply heard. This empathic repair allows individuals to rebuild their sense of self and strengthen their resilience. As psychotherapists, we see this work as both profoundly individual and socially relevant. When people experience empathy in therapy, they often begin extending it outward—to their families, workplaces, and communities. In this way, small empathic successes can ripple outward into larger change (Brown, 2022).

What Can We Do About It?

Empathic failure may be one of the defining challenges of our time, but there are ways to respond. On both personal and collective levels, cultivating empathy is possible. Here are three simple yet powerful practices:
  1. Listen to understand, not to reply. Slowing down to truly listen allows others to feel seen, even if we don’t agree with them.
  2. Validate emotions, even when you can’t fix the problem. Saying, “That sounds painful” or “I can see this matters to you” communicates recognition. Empathy does not require solutions—only presence.
  3. Expand your circle of concern. Make a conscious effort to notice people you might normally overlook—whether it’s a co-worker under stress, a neighbour from a different background, or voices in the news outside your usual perspective.

When Rupture Happens

Despite our best efforts, there are times when therapeutic rupture does occur, but we can work towards its repair through the following methods in addition to offering empathy:
  • Working slowly but diligently to regain trust
  • Offering safety and/or therapeutic containment
  • Active listening
  • Discussing the interpersonal dynamic between client and therapist
  • Acknowledging the client’s disappointment
  • Engaging in metacommunication by exploring the client’s beliefs and schemas
  • Demonstrating attunement
  • Shifting therapeutic strategy
  • Fostering open communication
  • Actively working to repair the relationship (Brown, 2022; Gardner, 2025; Riker, 2024).

Conclusion: Rebuilding Empathy in 2025 and Beyond

Empathic failure has always been part of human life, but today’s world seems to magnify it. Conflict, polarization, and rapid change have created a climate where many people feel unseen and unheard. This environment has real consequences for mental health, deepening anxiety, depression, and isolation (Gardner, 2025; Riker, 2024). Yet empathy is not lost—it is a practice we can reclaim. In therapy, in daily interactions, and in the broader culture, small empathic acts have the power to heal. By listening more deeply, validating more freely, and expanding our circles of care, we can begin to counter the tide of empathic failure. At Serene Heart Counselling and Psychotherapy, we believe that empathy is not just a therapeutic tool—it is a lifeline in a fractured world. In choosing to practice empathy, we not only repair individual wounds but also help restore something essential to our shared humanity. Contact us today to book your session in Mississauga, Milton, or Burlington.

References

  • Brown, N. W. (2022). The significance and importance of repairing empathic failures. In C. Daiute, N. W. Brown, & R. K. Conyne (Eds.), Women, intersectionality, and power in group psychotherapy leadership (pp. 185–200). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003156025
  • Gardner, J. (2025). Self psychology: Moving from theory to practice (1st ed.). Routledge.
  • Kohut, H. (1990). The role of empathy in psychoanalytic cure. In R. Langs (Ed.), Classics in psychoanalytic techniques (pp. 463–473). Jason Aronson.
  • Riker, J. H. (2024). Kohut’s self psychology for a fractured world: New ways of understanding the self and human community (1st ed.). Routledge.